I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
