I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
