I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had sex on a roof
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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