So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
