i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
barbara walters just said penis...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
