i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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