Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
