im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
