How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
