The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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