I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
