new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
