the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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