Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
