There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
