The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
