You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize