Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
