Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
