i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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