i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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