I think I died a long time ago.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He better not be in your backpack
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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