just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
