4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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