remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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