fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
