I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
