Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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