I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Too much gin, very little bucket
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
