i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
