I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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