I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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