My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
