would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Randomize
