oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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