we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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