dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
