can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize