I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
