I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
