I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
