I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
