Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
