He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
