the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
