My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
