Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
