i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
