Don't you send me to vm
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
