I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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