is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
