I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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