Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize