He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
