he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
