Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
