Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
