I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
