hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize