I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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