Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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