Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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