dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
