He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
