That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
