I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
