I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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