I'm lost and stupid without you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
